Thus speaketh the Lord God of Israel, saying Write thee all the words that I have spoken unto thee in a book.
For what saith the scriptures? Abraham believed God, and it was counted unto him for righteousness.
Hello Inquisitive Survivor!
Growing up, I was always told by adults, "Never question God; He knows what He is doing" or "God don't make no mistakes." At one point in my life I did question God like so many of us do or have done in the past. Seriously, being sexually assaulted will make you ask God WHY????
During my recovery phase of the assault, I spent tremendous amounts of time in prayer and meditating on God's word. At that point, I didn't know what else to do. I felt that God was the only one who could help me. One evening as I knelt down beside my bed to say my nighttime prayer, I cried out to God, "How could you God!!! How could you allow something so horribly vicious to happen to me??? I love you and I'm trying to be the person that you would have me to be. WHY???" With tears streaming down my face, I cry out again, "Why did you allow this to happen to me? And what do you want me to do NOW that you've allowed me to SURVIVE and remain on this earth???" A hush came over the room, and I heard that still small voice, you know the one--the voice of God say, "Tell Your Story." He said, "I want you to tell the world how I brought you through and that it was by my grace and mercy that you can tell your story. And when you do, so many will be healed." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He also revealed to me that night that I am to open a Sexual Assault Recovery Center to house Survivors, start a Sexual Assaul Healing Ministry in churches, write 2 books, and start a foundation to raise funding to benefit Survivors and their families. I actually said to God, "Whoa, whoa, wait a minute now. I can't do all of that; I don't know how to do that stuff. I don't even know how or where to begin. God you gotta give that to somebody else, not me." Then God said, "Why not you?"
At that moment, I stopped questioning God and telling Him what I can't do. I got up from my knees found a writing pad and a pen and began to write the vision of what is now called Phynyx Ministries. As God spoke, I wrote. It took me about an hour of non-stop writing to get in all down on paper; every singld detail. After I wrote it all out, I closed the book and placed it on the floor beside my bed and went to sleep.
From that point, upto this past June of 2011, I would hear various preached sermons or hear speakers talk about being obedient to God and carrying out the task that He has placed upon you. I would then begin to feel so very convicted that I would be in tears apologizing to God for not birthing Phynyx Ministries. Until one night, I saw singer/actor Tyrese Gibson on TBN talking with Steve Harvey about his new book, "How to Get Out of Your Own Way." He spoke about how we are so fearful of doing what God has told us to do that we miss out on the many blessings that He has for us. If we would just get out of our own way, our lives would be so incredibly fulfilled and God would be pleased. So again, I was convicted. I began crying and apologizing to God, then I frantically looked all over my house for my book that had the ORIGINAL Phynyx Ministries notes in it. I couldn't find it anywhere and began to cry even more! So I called my brother to talk to him because he always understands me. I chatted with him for a few minutes, got off the phone, then looked for my notes again. Couldn't find them. I heard that still small voice of God again say, "Just write it again." I found another book, sat down on June 10, 2011, and wrote the entire vision all over again just as I did in 1996. God is so Good!!!
"...what the devil meant for evil, God meant for good..." (Gen. 15:20)
Everything that we experience in life, good and bad, can help someone. God wants to use us and our experiences to bless others. God does know what He's doing and chooses the right people to test to give them a testimony to help heal others. So if you're asking God, "Why me?" Why not you. God don't make no mistakes.