Welcome to Phynyx Ministries!

Hello Beautiful Survivor!

Welcome to Phynyx Ministries, a place where you can obtain lots of helpful information to help you break your silence and begin to heal from being sexually assaulted. If you are not a Sexual Assault Survivor, perhaps you know someone who is. Please feel free to share this website with that person. This website is also a place where Survivor's can share their story, a poem, or words of encouragement with a survivor or anyone who chooses to visit our site.

I praise God for allowing me to survive being sexually assaulted because I now know what my purpose in this life is - and that is to be an example to those survivors who may feel that they can't move forward with their lives in a positive way. There was a time in my life when I thought that I'd never leave the confines of my mother's bedroom which was where I retreated after the attack. But I continued to pray to God for strength, peace, and sanity. I sought professional treatment and had an awesome support system.

It's been 15 years since that cold November night, but today I am happily married, have two beautiful daughters, and living life to the fullest. The road to recovery is not easy, but I made it and you can as well. Don't get me wrong, I still have flashbacks from time to time, but I've learned not to let them consume me. I know who I am and what I'm worth...I'm worth more than my attacker thought I was and like the Phoenix, I will continue to rise.

With love,
Phynyxx Skyy

(...what the devil meant for evil, God meant for good...)

Genesis 50:20
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Monday, August 29, 2011

A little more of God's Word on Anxiety...






Cast your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
Proverbs 16:3

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
Psalm 55:22

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.  He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.  It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.  It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.
Jeremiah 17:7-8

Then Jesus said to the disciples; "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.  Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes."
Luke 12:22-23

Be Anxious for nothing...


Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

Jesus said, "Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."
1 Corinthians 16:13

Hello Anxious Mentally Calm Survivor,

When you're tempted to feel hopeless and trapped in fear of the future remember...life is hard, and it shouldn't surprise us that a fallen world will provide disappointment, painful losses, unfulfilled expectations and sadness.  The day nothing happens that makes us feel a little bit afraid, we'd better watch out because something is definitely wrong. 

New opportunities and challenges bring numerous, fearful situations that we must deal with.  Seek help from experts in an area that concerns you.  Seek God and pray to Him as often as possible for peace, guidance, or whatever else you may desire of the Lord.  Discuss your fears with your spouse, good friend, or Pastor. 

An attitude of optimism will make today more enjoyable.  Watch a funny movie or television show and be sure to laugh out loud; there is healing in laughter.

There is an underlying fear that comes from feeling helpless.  Stepping out on faith may seem frightening (which I can attest to), risky, impossible, senseless, stretching, gut-wrenching and unnatural.  But it's worth it and you'll be so glad you did...just as I am.

With love,
P. Skyy and C. Kent

Thursday, August 25, 2011

It's Not Your Fault...



In Jesus we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace.
Ephesians 1:7


Hello Faultless Survivor!

It's not your fault that you were sexually assaulted, so STOP BLAMING YOURSELF!!!   Perhaps you've said to yourself, "Maybe if I hadn't worn that dress, or had my hair done so pretty, or wore that expensive perfume, or dyed my hair purple, or not brushed my teeth today, or contracted conjunctivitis in BOTH eyes."  Do you hear what I am saying???  There is nothing that you could have said or done to change the mindset of the person who did this to you.  The plan was already in place.

As my scenerio played over and over again in my head, I often wondered what I could have done differently that may have prevented the assault.  And each time my final thought was NOTHING!!!  I thought, "There has to be something" but there was nothing I could have done.  He had already planned to stake out my apartment building that night and wait for me to show up alone, and unsuspecting.  All items needed to carry out his misson were in place; black leather jacket, black skii-mask, black leather gloves, and of course the handgun.  He had already visited the wooded area behind my apartment building to be ensure no interruptions or unwanted witnesses and his getaway path was marked as well.  As you can see, he was a planner; well calculated and paid close attention to detail.  But he was sick.  Perhaps there was a traumatizing childhood event that took place in his life that caused him to react in this way.  Maybe he was sexually assaulted, or witnessed one and felt that this type of behavior is okay; us sane folks know that it is not.

I was once told by a prophetess who was the leader of my Women's Ministry class back in 1997 that God allowed this to happen to me so that it wouldn't happen to my daughters (Thank You Jesus!!!).  Now you have to understand that at that time, I was not married nor was I even thinking about ever having kids, but today I have a husband and two beautiful daughters (look at God!!!).  God used Rev. Sis. Boyd (I will never forget her) as a vehicle to convey His word to me.  You may never understand why this happened to you or maybe you will, but you must, at this very moment stop blaming yourself because it's not your fault.  Contrary to what you may think or feel, again it is not your fault.  Forgive yourself and take back your POWER!!!

With love,
Phynyxx Skyy


Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  No, in all these things we are more that conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the futhure, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:35, 37-39




If You Don't Love Yourself...

I love myself…in and of this very moment
I will be what I can be
In and of this very moment
For this very moment
Is all that truly exists
Yesterday… no more than a memory
A fading echo in the mist
Tomorrow…only an expectation
Of what our mind thinks is to yet to be
Tomorrow…a figment of our imagination
That we may never come to see
The choice is mine
To be mellow…to have bliss
I’ll not belittle myself
Nor hold myself in remiss
Today I’ll see and recognize
Only things worthy and good
For in this moment, I realize
Of what not to value…and of what I should
Today…yes!...in this very moment
I’ll like me…and I’ll persist
For this very precious moment…right now
Is all that truly…exists
Love yourself…forgive yourself
live in and of… this very moment
And you'll love yourself...just as I do
take possession of love...and own it

http://www.everypoet.net/poetry/blogs/david_o_whalen/love_yourself

It's okay to forgive yourself...




FORGIVE YOURSELF

Things lie deep within ourselves
Fragments buried from the past
You have tried to lay them down
Wish you could forget,at last
Long to go back to those days
So that you could put things right
Sadly that's impossible
You are landed with this blight.
Maybe God can help you out
But yourself you must forgive
You were different back then
Jesus died to make you live
He has wiped the blackboard clean
So that you can do the same
Draw a line and walk away
Leave the weight of guilt and blame.

http://www.everypoet.net/poetry/blogs/verseode/forgive_yourself

Sunday, August 21, 2011

A little more on Forgiveness...




Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32

Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.  Blesses is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.
Psalm 32:1-2

Hello  Forgiving Survivor,

If you have not already done so...it is time to forgive your attacker!!!  I mean really forgive him or her, with sincere forgiveness straight from your heart.  Now I know...I know...it's incredibly easier said then done, but you must.  If you do not forgive your attacker whole heartedly, you will never be able to move on with your life unburdened.  If you do not forgive your attacker whole heartedly, you will find that this sexual assault will cause a plethora of negative events to take place in your life.  Think about some of the negative issues you may have dealt with or are dealing with now.  More than likely, these issues are stemming from being sexually violated.  You have the power to forgive...God gave it to you!!!

Being a newly saved and baptized Christian in September of 1996, I knew how important it was to forgive.  So as I lay awake staring at the black ceiling on one of my many sleepless nights, I spoke to the Lord asking, "What do you want me to do now, 'cause I don't know?  I'm just so confused, I know you allowed me to remain on this earth for a reason, but right now I need to hear from you Lord."  Nothing...I heard nothing.  But then, I heard that still small voice that said, "Forgive him."  I said to myself, "What??? Seriously??? I don't know about all that!"  You noticed that I said this to myself, I didn't feel that these words should be spoken to the Lord, but of course he heard them anyway because He sees all things and hears all things.  Again, being a new Christian, I remembered Rev. Jenkins' teachings on forgiveness so I had to do it.  I didn't know how to go about doing this so I just sat in silence which was the norm for me anyway at that time and spoke these words out loud, "I don't know who you are or why you chose to hurt me like you did, but I forgive you because I know that there is something that has taken place in your life as a child or an adult that has caused you to do this, but I forgive you...I forgive you right now wherever you are."   I even prayed to the Lord to heal him--to remove whatever is causing him to inflict pain on women in this way. I cried myself to sleep thinking how could I just forgive him like that, but I knew that it was something that must be done. 

As the days went on, I wanted to take back my forgiveness as I fell in and out of depression trying to recover from this awful event, but I never did.  Being able to forgive him has helped me tremendously on my journey to recovery.  I know in my heart that had I not forgiven him I would not be where I am today...I would not be able to share my story to help you and all of other Survivors who need to hear these words.  So please, I implore you right now to forgive your attacker and take back your power!!!

With love,
Phynyxx Skyy

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselved and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

A little Forgiveness goes a long way...




Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3:13

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.
Mark 11:25

Hello Forgiving Survivor!

Again and again our human nature wants to "teach people a lesson" or make things worse for them than they made it for us.  We see revenge as a way of getting back, of making ourselves whole again.  But it never works.  The solution the Lord offers is radical.  There is no question of revenge or even bare restitution.  He simply suggests that we take whatever this world dishes out to us.

To just sit back and take any kind of abuse or violation against us and not want to seek revenge requires a lot of discipline.  For most of us, it does not come naturally.  We are too hard and resistant to just take the abuse, violation, or even disrespect and not want revenge or to hurt the person who hurt us.  We must become softer, gentler, more loving people, receiving the blow but unable to transmit the force or pain of it.

Love and forgiveness are just two of the many facets of being a Christian, and when we exercise them we are able to begin to heal from our own wounds and pass along balm for the healing of others, especially those who have hurt you.

With love,
P. Skyy and M. Hollis

If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9

Monday, August 8, 2011

Self-worth...do you know your value???


Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Before I formed your in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart, says the Lord.
Jeremiah 1:5

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalm 139:13-14

Hello Precious Survivor,

Do you know that you are more precious than silver or gold, diamonds or emeralds, rubies or pearls?  You are worth more to God than any materialistic item in this whole universe.  He created you to do his will; to carry out your assignment He laid before you. 

Being sexually assaulted caused me to have little to no self-worth.  I felt lower that dirt; my self-esteem had hit rock bottom as did everything else.  I felt fat and very unattractive--like everyone who looked at me knew that I had been victimized.  So I began to not care less and less about my appearance.  Afterall, no one man would ever fall in love with a sexual assault survivor right?  After months of wallowing in self-pity and being advised by my family  members, I began to yet again, pray to God to help me regain my self-worth.  I'd pray, "Lord, I am your humble servant coming before you just one more time.  Lord, I know that you know what I am going through right now so there's no need to explain.  Jesus, I just need you to help me get back to me.  Whatever it takes, I just need to get back to my old self; the happy Neicy with the big Kool-Aid smile.  Please help me Lord, I can't do this without you.  I ask these an all blessings in the precious name of Jesus. My soul says Amen, Amen, and Amen. 

It took some time to rebuild my self-esteem, but I did it with the help of the Lord and so can you. Remember I mentioned that no man would ever fall in love with a sexual assault survivor?  Well a man did.  And not just any man, but a saved, sanctified man-of-God fell in love with me; Thank you Jesus!  So, just ask the Lord to help you and He will. Never forget that I support you and I believe in you. 

With love,
Phynyxx Skyy

So you are no longer a slave, but a daughter; and since you are a daughter, God has made you also an heir.
Galatians 4:7

Friday, August 5, 2011

A little more of God's word on Faith...


"Have faith in God," Jesus answered.  "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.  There for I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours"
Mark 11:22-24

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:2

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
Hebrews 11:6

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, wing rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to measure of all the fullness of God.
Ephesians 3:16-19

We live by faith, not by sight.
2 Corinthians 5:7

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

A little Faith goes a long way...



Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.
Romans 10:17

For this reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.  For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
2 Peter 1:5-8

Hello Faithful Survivor!

Without faith it is impossible to please God.  I have experienced that having this kind of faith means being active, not sitting back and dwelling on negative challenges that have occured in my life. It means loving and believing in yourself and using the transforming power of God's Holy Spirit to move my life forward.  There was a time when I felt that I would never get past the pain, shame, guilt, self-worthlessness, and feeling like everybody knew that I had been victimized.  Although I was constantly reminded that I was the opposite of these things, I still could not shake these feelings.

It was a crisp cold Thanksgiving afttenoon in 1996.  My Auntie BB called my mom and said, "Big Sis, we are taking Babygirl to Momma's for Thanksgiving; it's time for her to get out of that house!" My mom answer, "I don't think she'll go; I can't get her to leave that room.  She goes to the bathroom and back."  "Well she's geting out of there today.  Watch what I tell you."  My Auntie BB showed up in the doorway of my mom's bedroom where I was sitting down watching t.v.  She said, "Get dressed, we goin' to Momma's."  I answered, "I don't wanna go; he's going to see me."  I was convinced that my attacker was posted up on the roof of the house across the street from my mom's house waiting for me to come out so that he could shoot and kill me.  So of course, I had no plans to EVER leave my mom's house.  Auntie BB would not take no for an answer.  She said, "Babygirl you will be fine.  Just have enough faith in God to protect you when you walk outside of this old house, 'cause He will; I know it."  Auntie BB convinced me to get dressed and we started out the door.  I asked her to go ahead of me and open the car door so I could run from the house to the car and jump in.  Reluctantly, she carried out my request.  I zippered my coat all the way up to my neck, pulled the huge hood over my head and tied it as tightly as I could only revealing my eyes.  Then I  began to pray, "Lord please protect me from this awful person on the roof across the street.  He knows I told the police, please don't let him shoot me in front of my mommy and Auntie BB; it would devastate them. In Jesus name amen."  I ran at top speed from the house, to the car, jumped in and we drove off. 

We had a great Thanksgiving dinner at my grandmother's house that year.  It was wonderful seeing all of my family members; the outpouring of love and support that I received was priceless.  Needless to say, my attacker had not set up shop on the roof across the street from my mom's house, nor did I get shot.  I later learned in therapy that these thoughts were a symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD.  I thank God for my Auntie BB who taught me a lot about faith that day.  I would often pray to God to remove those negative feelings that I had of myself and replace them with positive ones.  I had faith enough to believe that I could overcome being broken in so many pieces; and I did.  Where is your faith?

With love,
Phynyxx Skyy

Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
Matthew 17:20

Monday, August 1, 2011

God's Peace...



Jesus said, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
John 14:27

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful.
Colossians 3:15

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7


Hello Peaceful Survivor!
Peace...do you have it???  There was a time when I didn't.  I remember vividly not being able to eat nor sleep, carry on a decent conversation, nor sit still and watch a movie or televison program without worrying about whether or not "He" is searching for me because "He" somehow found out I went to the police.  "His" last words to me were, "You bet' not go to the police, 'cause I know where you live and what kind of car you drive...I will find you and kill you."  Can you imagine hearing that from someone who has just violated you in the worst imaginable way???  I remember constantly praying to God to grant me peace, to please take my mind off of this horrible thing that has happened to me.  Even if I didn't pray aloud, I would pray in my spirit, "Please Lord, I can't go on like this.  I feel like I'm losing my mind...I need peace."  After a while I started to little "rain drops" of peace fall upon me here and there, but I needed more.  So I began to pray, "God please grant me your peace."  When I began to pray for God's peace, those little "rain drops" of peace began to grow into terrential down pours of God's peace!!!  Before long, I was able to really begin my walk towards healing.  Peace is priceless...do you have it???  If not, start praying to God to grant you "His" peace.  There is a difference.

With love and peace,
Phynyxx Skyy